Banana Bread
For the longest time, as long as I can remember, Alex and Rachel have been waiting for me to return from work with banana bread. The cafe next to my work makes yummy banana bread. Even when the girls couldn't really talk in full sentences they would ask me when I got back from work.....where their nana bread was? They used to think that my job was to make banana bread at work. We would ask them where Papa worked and what he did. To which they would respond.....dentist....make teeth. And then when we asked them what Mama did for work.... they would answer....make nana bread. But the cafe only makes this yummy nana bread on Wed and Fridays. So I only bring back a slice once or twice a week. But it seems like they still expect it all the time.
The reason I talk about nana bread is that it looks like I will be home making my own banana bread in the near future. I've been really struggling about what I'm going to do when Kaili leaves us to have her beautiful baby. It shouldn't be such a hard decision because I love the girls and who better to look after them than their own mother. BUT it has been a hard decision. I guess I always knew in my heart that I would stay home with them but it took a while to make that final decision. I guess my fear of letting go was purely for selfish reasons. For that damn paycheque! And the 'freedom' that paycheque allows me. I know I sound so selfish but I've never been financially dependent on a man before and it's been a long struggle to just ..... let go.... and let things be. But I feel more at peace with my decision. I did have a very weird dream last night though where I was hugging my boss. I woke up thinking, wow that was a really strange dream. But now that I think about it I guess I am just feeling badly about leaving. It's the whole guilt thing and I'm trying to make it better.
But back to the nana bread. I love making banana bread but never seem to have the time or any ripe bananas around. But now Alex, Rachel and I can be baking up a storm in our new kitchen.
6 comments:
I love and appreciate your honesty Audrey.
Give yourself an adjustment time for being at home. I'm sure you'll love the summer weather, the outtings with the girls, visiting Kaili and the baby, all what summer has to offer you all.
Then maybe consider doing something once a week for "your time". I'm sure whatever you decide it will be the right one for you and your family.
How many lives do you have? Follow your heart. Plus, I am returning, so think of it as a little break and a GREAT one at that, as you will get to be with your sweet-peas! And you can visit us LOTS!! and we MIGHT come over to your new place, hahaha! j/k
Sounds like a good plan Audrey, you got to stand up for what you feel is right. Think about all the wonderful times you will have with the girls. I visit them like once a week and i have so much fun, i couldn't imagine being with them everyday...to much fun! Follow what you believe in, and everything will work out right.
-Shalane*
Your girls think you make nana bread at work? So funny! I think you will enjoy every minute of staying at home. Don't you remember all the emails that people forward about how you should spend more time playing with your kids instead of working/cleaning...or whatever else people do...
as for nana bread...wait until the girls taste MINE...especially since I put in chocolate chips!
I like nana bread too.
I completely understand that struggle. I recently went back to work after 15 months of maternity leave. It is a struggle. Hang in there, whatever decision you make I am sure it will be the right one.
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