My head hurts

My head hurts....and not only from the stress...I think it's this Guinness Beer that is doing it.  I haven't really drank any alcohol in YEARS and when I drink this awful tasting brew I get lightheaded and then have a headache.  So why am I drinking this dark bitter beer?  To try and increase my milk supply.  Oye vye, the things that we do for our kids.  My milk supply is drying up.  But I've resigned myself to this fact.  I could grab that awful plastic breast pump and pump myself silly every few hours....but the thing is I'm exhausted.  I'm beaten down emotional and physically.  I can't wait for Sophia's surgery to be over with and done.  But then one line from Alicia Key's song keeps popping up in my head....."The present is a gift".  So true.  So then I try to cherish every moment NOW and live in the moment and not keep thinking of....in three weeks....things will be better WHEN....  Also, I watched this TLC program last week about this lady with 1/2 a body.  Did anyone else watch this?  My goodness, I think I have it tough but then I watch this amazing women with huge burdens and I marvel at her strength.  This lady with 1/2 a body had to have both her legs amputated from a disease early on in life.  She had a biological son who is now about 7 years old.  And she walks everywhere on her hands or this skateboard that she modified so she can push off on her hands!  Climbs up stairs on her hands!  And taught her son to skate with this skateboard modified with a blade.  Just absolutely amazing.  And then I think to myself that if she could do that then I can overcome my fears about Sophia's operation and stay strong.

I also miss my dog like crazy.  It's been months since he has left us for another family.  And he is living a great dog life.  Living on acres of land planted in grapes.  Remember when we helped this family pick grapes last October?  Well yeah, he is living there.  And by the sounds of it he has adapted well to being an 'outdoor' dog.  But I still miss his cuddles.  It's for the best though.  Alex hasn't had to have any allergy medication in weeks.  Incredibly good news.

So what else can I complain about?  Hmmmm...I guess that's it.  It's incredible that a year ago my dad was still in the hospital recovering from a ruptured brain aneurysm.  And he is completely healthy now and living at home completely mobile, etc.   A true miracle.  So it gives me hope that in a year's time I will be happy as a clam with no worries enjoying the end of summer in a carefree manner and embracing my favorite fall season.  This reminds me of a passage that Kahlil Gibran wrote on Joy and Sorrow:

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable,

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Deep, eh?  I know.  Blame this crazy post on the Guinness.

Papa & Baby Sophia

So I officially take back all the bad things that I ever said about Papa. He has been so amazing at taking care of Sophia during the last few days. He feels really comfortable with the tube feedings at night, checking the PH level in her tube to make sure that it is properly placed, administering the meds to her, etc.... Me, I'm not so comfortable with all this stuff - so it has worked out really well that Papa has taken over. He has really bonded with our young little sweetheart.

We just got a phone call today with Sophia's surgery date...which will be on Sept 16th. I'm unhappy that we have to wait another month and will have to continue with the tube feeding but happy that we have a set date now so we can prepare ourselves mentally. I'm trying to imagine how happy we will be driving home from Vancouver at the end of September and putting all this stress behind us. That's the mental image I keep painting myself whenever I feel the tight knots in my stomach and feel the need to pop some more Pepto Bismal. Looking forward to the fall and hoping it will be smooth sailing for our family after that.

Not a good week at all

Every once in a while in life I am reminded how trivial most of my thoughts during the day are. How much weight have I lost post-baby, how I wish to go buy some new stylin clothes and shoes, if I could only win the 6-49 lottery, etc... Then I'm pulled back into real life and what really matters. Our health and our family. And this week was a really tough one for our family. Baby Sophia has a little hole in her heart and she needs open heart surgery in the next 2 or 3 weeks. It feels like a huge boulder is placed on my shoulders and especially on my heart. I'm SCARED for what faces her and what faces all of us in the family. The prognosis is really good and the BC Children's hospital is fantastic but still the thought of even an immunization needle makes me feel badly for a child, let alone all that will be happening to Sophia. So the last week was spent at the Vancouver hospital trying to get Sophia to gain some weight before the surgery. She hasn't gained even one ounce during a month's time. So her doctor put her on a NG feeding program....nose feed for half her needed calories during the night. I hate that she has a tube in her nose and that we have to put something on her hands to avoid having her pull out the tube. It just about kills me to see her like this. James keeps reminding me that it isn't hurting her but helping her. Now that we have arrived back at home we have to administer the tube feedings with rented equipment. Again scared sh&*less. The doctor wants her to gain as much weight as possible before surgery so she will be stronger during the recovery. People say that these trials make you stronger but I'm not feeling strong at all right now. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Summer Fun 2008

Peachfest is on right now in our sleepy town which means that there are lots of things going on for everyone to enjoy. Last night we went down to one of the beaches to look at the sand castle competition. The one above was really cool. For a couple of minutes earlier in the week I actually looked at the entry form in the local paper and daydreamed of entering and wondered what our team could actually make. Then I came back to reality and thought maybe that would be a goal to tackle next year when I'm actually getting decent amounts of sleep.

Sophia snug with Papa.

Showing some sisterly love.

Like the Timbits?

Yeah for the Olympics! Wasn't the opening ceremonies amazing?

And tonight we went to the other side of town to take in the fair. So much fun! We went for Thai food for dinner first with Kaili, Shalane and Jaia. With tummies full and the weather cooler than usual, we headed for the rides and junk food. And the fair did not disappoint. The girls thought it was MORE fun than Disneyland! Can you believe it? Kids are sooooo funny. Note to self, just wait for the annual fair and save lots of money on traveling to California.
The girls loved their Girl Power hammers that they used to 'hammer' each other and us. And Jaia was so cute playing guitar and rocking out. I wonder where he gets his goofiness from, hmmmm let me think....

Shalane held Sophia for us at the fair so both James and I could go on the bumper cars with the twins. Thanks Shalane!

Shiny Bumper Cars....so much fun.

Baby Sophia thought the night was pretty fun too. After taking in all the sounds and lights of the fair she had a long snooze snuggled up to Shalane.

We are enjoying having Papa at home with us and enjoying Peachfest. Parade is on tomorrow morning at 10am. Wish us luck in getting there on time. Leaving the house with all of us showered and dressed and fed takes us HOURS.

Papa got a new camera a couple of weeks ago and loves to take pics of the kids. So here are a few pics he took this afternoon. He is off now for 2 1/2 weeks and I couldn't be happier. Not that we have much planned. But just having time off and not having to rush anywhere feels very relaxing.